Excuse Me While I Vomit

Yep, the tracklist for Westlife's 'The Love Album' is now available, and while we thought the title was unispired and... well... a bit crap, the songs that are going to appear on it are even more vomit-inducing. Of course, we won't know anything until the album comes out, but here are my picks for the best, the worst, and the downright blasphemous.

1. You Light Up My Life (Debbie Boone) - one of the most sickly, revolting ballads of all time. Prepare for a snoozer, and probably Shane and Mark on lead.

2. Easy (the Commodores) - this one will be a duet with Lionel Richie, apparently. Well they definitely won't let Nicky or Kian sing on this one, if they already have to share out the lyrics. A strange little choice, and it's that which actually might allow them to pull this off.

3. All Out Of Love (Air Supply) - the fact that it's a duet with Mrs Delta McGoodrem is a warning sign right away. Add that to the fact that it's been covered a million billion other times, and by other boybands (Mercury 4, Human Nature), and you can expect this to be uninspired tripe.

4. Total Eclipse Of The Heart (Bonnie Tyler) - BLASPHEMY! They might actually get through on sheer nerve with this one, considering it's practically a death sentence to attempt such a phenomenally 80s song as this. They might actually let Nicky and Kian sing on this, but I wouldn't hold my breath. It'll be mostly Mark.

5. All Or Nothing - don't know it, will update once I find out. Google tells me it could be either a Cher song, or an O-Town song. I'm more inclined to assume Cher, but you never know.

6. You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' (Elvis Presley) - Bonnie Tyler AND The King? On the upside, this sounds like a Kian/Nicky song, and another that they might actually pull off based on sheer nerve. Still, it's a bit naff by today's standards. It'll be perversely interesting to see what they do with it.

7. The Rose (Bette Midler) - This is one that I've actually got high hopes for. While the original is a bit... eh... boring, with a bit of fancy production it's got the potential to be another Westlife mega-ballad, in the same vein as Mandy or You Raise Me Up. There'll be no Nicky or Kian, then.

8. Have You Ever Been In Love (Celine Dion) - Chances are they'll actually pull this one off. It's the right kind of Westlifey ballad, and likely could have been written solely for them. It's got all the right parts, and will probably work really really well, especially when they (ie. Mark) hit the bridge.

9. Hard To Say I'm Sorry (Chicago) - Oh boys, even if you're doing covers, you can do something original. Seeing as Az Yet already did a mega-smash version circa 1998, it's a pretty ambitious choice to try it yourselves. If you pull it off, there will be chocolates for all of you. Which is more than likely, seeing as their trademark harmonies will probably sound amazing.

10. Love Can Build A Bridge (The Judds) - Ooh a bit of country flavour! Despite having already been done for Comic Relief in 1995, this could actually be very good. And I do like my boys doing country. A really nice, easy ballad, which has the potential to be a massive hit as a single... assuming everyone's forgotten the CR version.

11. You Are So Beautiful (Joe Cocker) - the puddle of vomit in the corner is spreading, and it's not difficult to see why - it's physically impossible to have picked a more sickly-sweet, karaoke whiner than this. And I have no more to say on the subject.

12. The Dance (Garth Brooks) - They've already guaranteed us musical gold with this one, after performing it on this years tour. The new arrangement is absolutely beautiful, though my one quibble is that Nicky would have sounded a lot better on the second verse than Mark does - it's very his kind of song.

The album is released in the UK on the 20th of November