Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Beckham = Thief!

Oh, David Beckham! Your hairstyles are so unique and trendsetting! How did you come up with all those wonderful new fashions?

Well, here comes the real truth. David Beckham, you are accused of stealing your glamourous new looks from one, Nicholas Byrne. He was a football player who became a singer. You are a football player who married a... male stick insect that can mime to a backing track.

You stealing, theiving cad. Oh no, don't deny it. Here's the evidence:

Ha! It's early days and you're already being an impossible thief! The poor lad's only just burst into the pop scene and you're stealing his haircut before he can make his hair properly stylish in it's own right? Oh David, would you really sink so low for fame?

David, David, David. Now you've decided to make it look as if he's copied you, and you're doing a terrible job! Obviously his is so much greasier and sexier than yours! Why even bother?

Tut tut. Shaving your head. Why do you do it, Mr Beckham? That snazzy little beard would have gotten you through! There was no need for this! You are an addict, Mr Beckham. A hair-stealing addict.

A mohawk?! Shameless! I never thought I would see anyone sink so low...

...until I saw this! How many times did you watch the 'Tonight' video clip, David? Did it satisfy your need for cool new hair? Did you buy the Greatest Hits DVD, just to make sure you got it right? Well, you didn't get it right. Shame on you.

The swoopy fringe is a trademark, sir! A trademark! You do realise you're infringing copyright law?

Now this one I'll never understand! Did you possibly think you could get away with pilfering a hairstyle as unique as this one? The angular fringe? Undeniable! It's absolutely blatant theivery.

But it wasn't enough for you, was it? Did you have to fulfil your quota of hairstyle changes for the month? Now you have to go and steal from that poor young Mark Feehily as well!

...actually, you can have that one. That kind of haircut could do psychological damage to Mark's fans, and we don't want that, do we sir? Not after you've traumatised Nicky's fans already?

I sentence you to a lifetime with cornrows. At least that style was original.


Rohan Williams said...

That's hilarious! (And time-consuming... did you have to find all those shots yourself?) You're totally owning teh mstu2000 interwebs so far.

Grace Suter said...

I found the beckham shots online, but I've got about... oh... 250 photos of Nicky on my computer, so I just did some quick cutting and pasting.

Cory Messenger said...

Yeah, but how good is Nicky at free kicks? Crosses from right field? Corners? Huh? Answer me that.
And didn't they both just copy Brad Pitt?

Grace Suter said...

Nicky was a goalie for Leeds Utd Jrs before he joined Westlife. He could've made Leeds, but he got booted out when he was 18 cos his coach said he was too short.

Fucking good player though. That's why Westlife always win Soccer 6, cos Nicky won't let the other team get the ball in.

Brad Pitt... Nope. Have you EVER seen Brad Pitt with a swoopy fringe? I think not.

Cory Messenger said...

1. Yeah, but...Leeds?
2. Brad and Gwyneth Paltrow had matching swoopy fringes in 1997:

Your move.

Grace Suter said...

1. True. Fair play to you.
2. OMG, the horror! WHY, Brad? WHY?

Rohan Williams said...

I don't even wanna begin to know how Cory knows what Brad and Gwyneth's hair was like in 1997. Well played, sir.

Grace Suter said...

It's cos he wants Brad's hair.

Does EVERYONE have to copy Nicky's hairstyle?! Honestly boys, ca't you just be original?

Rohan Williams said...

Brad's hair might be beyond him, but have you seen the 'Superman Returns' trailer? He could definitely go for Kevin Spacey's hairstyle.
Yeah, that's right, I went there.

Grace Suter said...

Nice one :-)

Can't fucking wait for that movie! I've been waiting too long already!

Cory Messenger said...

I do have Brad's hair. I just keep forgetting to put it on in the morning.
And Spacey's been copping my moves since Seven.

Grace Suter said...

Damn Spacey.

...and here I was thinking you WERE wearing Brad's hair... just not on your head...

Grace Suter said...

Oh and it's 'Se7en', not 'Seven'.

Sorry, I get naggy about movie stuff.