Well, here comes the real truth. David Beckham, you are accused of stealing your glamourous new looks from one, Nicholas Byrne. He was a football player who became a singer. You are a football player who married a... male stick insect that can mime to a backing track.
You stealing, theiving cad. Oh no, don't deny it. Here's the evidence:
Ha! It's early days and you're already being an impossible thief! The poor lad's only just burst into the pop scene and you're stealing his haircut before he can make his hair properly stylish in it's own right? Oh David, would you really sink so low for fame?
David, David, David. Now you've decided to make it look as if he's copied you, and you're doing a terrible job! Obviously his is so much greasier and sexier than yours! Why even bother?
Tut tut. Shaving your head. Why do you do it, Mr Beckham? That snazzy little beard would have gotten you through! There was no need for this! You are an addict, Mr Beckham. A hair-stealing addict.
A mohawk?! Shameless! I never thought I would see anyone sink so low...
...until I saw this! How many times did you watch the 'Tonight' video clip, David? Did it satisfy your need for cool new hair? Did you buy the Greatest Hits DVD, just to make sure you got it right? Well, you didn't get it right. Shame on you.
The swoopy fringe is a trademark, sir! A trademark! You do realise you're infringing copyright law?
Now this one I'll never understand! Did you possibly think you could get away with pilfering a hairstyle as unique as this one? The angular fringe? Undeniable! It's absolutely blatant theivery.
...actually, you can have that one. That kind of haircut could do psychological damage to Mark's fans, and we don't want that, do we sir? Not after you've traumatised Nicky's fans already?
I sentence you to a lifetime with cornrows. At least that style was original.