Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Move Your Body, Every Every Body
With Diana Ross. Hmm. But do you see her here? Nope. She's not on the cover, she didn't do any live performances, she didn't do any promotion, and she didn't record it with them (she did her vocals in LA, and they did theirs in London).
Which leads me to the bigger question: Is Diana Ross dead?
It's a little bit like the Elvis conspiracy in reverse, isn't it? It's like that whole 'Paul McCartney is dead', fiasco. But I, rather than coming up with odd ways Westlife are 'telling us' through their CD covers, have hard evidence. Well... soft evidence. Whatever.
First of all: the new version sounds exactly like the old one, but with their voices mixed in over the top. Considering the abilities of modern technology, it's not a stretch to say that this is actually the case.
Second of all: the video. She actually looks like a corpse they've wheeled out on a trolley with a stick up her back to keep her straight. She's Bubba Ho-tep in sequins (for those of you haven't seen Bubba Ho-tep, go rent it. You won't be disappointed). They've just used stop-animation to make her look like she's moving (for those of you who don't know what stop-animation is, go rent the Nightmare Before Christmas. You won't be disappointed).
Third of all: She did no public appearances, promotions, or performances with them. Her part of the video was on a screen behind them.
Though it does make you wonder... why go to all the effort of fabricating Diana Ross? If you were going to do a duet with someone dead, I'm sure you could do better. Ray Charles, for instance. Or Iggy Pop (okay, okay, cheap shot).
Moving on from the Diana Ross thing... the b-sides. More Bryan-purging. It's If I Let You Go, this time, and they've cannily replaced good old whatshisname with Kian. Kian does actually sound quite good, but it seems a little callous, especially seeing as it was Bryan's first big song. Oh well, it's better than the other two tracks: a hideous rendition of White Christmas that will put you to sleep before you even hear a voice, and a Westlife-only version of The Way You Look Tonight, which was the version us Aussies got on our version Allow Us To Be Frank anyway. Not that it's a bad thing. Someone should have told Westlife that using a tacky Christmas special to find a wannabe-Pop Idol was not the best idea they could have come up with. Especially when they found good old Joanne Hindley, who sounded like an out-of-tune cat caught in a dryer. Still, didn't want her upstaging you, did you lads?